Some people haven’t yet noticed. I left my old school five months ago for a slightly less conventional manner of study and some people haven’t even noticed. Suffice to say I’m a little bit offended. Every time I show up for a visit with teachers I miss (not that there are many) and friends I haven’t seen in a week or so (once again, far and few between) someone glances at me and says, ‘wow, haven’t seen you in a while! ‘ and then follows that line up with something akin to: ‘what are you up to?’ ‘how are your courses going?’ and most commonly: ‘Hey! are you coming to the pep rally?’ And I’m left staring mostly, then mumbling, ‘Actually… I don’t go here anymore…’ What else do you say? ‘Glad to see that I’m not missed’?
That’s how it feels, to be honest. I don’t want to sound whiny, but I’m not missed. Somehow I hoped that my absence would have been more notable. That people would say to themselves: ‘that Helen girl, she obviously doesn’t go here any more. I wonder where she is, and what she’s up to.’ I wasn’t picturing being surrounded by adoring ex-classmates the moment I walked through the front door, mobbed by people longing to know where I was or what I was doing these days. I just hoped that I merited some amount of momentary consideration and curiosity. And while I know that a group of my friends and teachers think about me at least weekly, wondering where I am and what I’m doing, this is somehow not enough for me.
It saddens me how little we seem to impact the lives of others. How easy it is for us just to become a blip on someone else’s radar. I guess at the end of the day I just wish that I was noticed.